Raising a child.

Raising a child. You need to love a child. In order for a child to grow up healthy, happy, to develop. To manifest his gifts and talents. He must have certain conditions. He must grow up in a free relationship with his parents. Where he can express himself. Express his opinion, will and feelings. That is: a child should not feel infringed or not accepted. Parents’ love must be boundless. A child must feel that his parents love him as he is, without any conditions or reservations. It must be 24-7. A child must have the opportunity to ask for advice, receive support or acceptance. In no case should the child’s dignity be humiliated. Because if there is humiliation of dignity in a family, then this greatly affects his further development.

Your contribution to the child. Raising a child.

He will be like a dwarf tree. For example: a tree can genetically grow into a huge baobab, but if its soil is like a small pot, it will grow as a dwarf like a bonsai. There are such bonsai trees. If a child grows in a very limited condition of acceptance and dignity, then he can grow up incapable, limited. If there is little that nourishes dignity, little faith in a person, parents do not support positive things, then the child will not grow into the fullness in which he was conceived. And, of course, the child must have freedom. Freedom to make his own decisions, freedom to choose his hobbies, freedom to go to study where he wants, spend time with friends and so on. These are ideal conditions for development from the child’s point of view.

Real relationships.

Raising a child. However, in reality, everything turns out far from as we would like. Because we adults understand that life does not always go our way. When we are faced with the fact that everything is not going as we planned, we are overcome by a strong feeling of frustration. This is the feeling when everything is not going according to plan, as I wanted. I wanted one thing, but it turned out differently. If you think about it, we experience this feeling very often. For example: you wake up in the morning and think about getting up again and getting the kids ready for school, but at this time you want to sleep. No longer our way. You come to the kitchen. There you need to cook food, but there is no butter. Again, not our way. These little things accumulate a lot. A feeling of dissatisfaction, this reality.

First option. Raising a child.

What to do? What to do when faced with such a discrepancy between what you want and what you actually do? The first option is to insist. Usually in such situations we behave like children. Stubbornly insist on your own, as capricious children do, achieving the fulfillment of their whim at any cost. For example: a child saw that they were not buying a toy. He will ask again and again to buy him a toy. It all depends on the talent of the children. Some are very persistent, others less. If the parents give in because the child insisted on his own. Then the child reinforces the behavior pattern — you need to be persistent enough, and the desire will come true. Next time the child will do the same until the parents agree.

Second option. Raising a child.

But sometimes parents don’t give in and don’t buy the toy. What happens to the child next? He faces the opportunity to accept the situation as it is. To accept reality as it is. To realize: «Everything is not going as I planned, but I can come to terms with it.» It hurts, it’s offensive, because the desire was very strong. But the child learns the existence of prohibitions and restrictions. And also that it is possible to survive disappointment — and life does not become worse. This is the most constructive thing that can come out of this scheme. Because the child learns that the word «no» exists, and such situations also happen, and that it is possible to survive in this situation.

A child’s acceptance of reality.

Raising a child. If a child has accepted reality, he changes. He begins to perceive life a little differently. He cries, but he himself changes in this life. If he refuses to accept and change, then he jumps to the next level, he falls into aggression, because he is offended that his desire has not been fulfilled. If the baby refuses to accept reality, he has no choice but to splash out his anger and resentment through aggression — to hit the weak, to offend the younger brother or sister. Because anger, it has not gone away. It needs to be expressed somehow. And if he could not express aggression, then frustration accumulates until the next time. This is the circle of reaction that we usually move in. The best thing we can do is to admit that reality is different, not as we imagine it, and to speak well — life does not end there.

Showing love to a child. Raising a child.

It also happens when children behave unpredictable and you scold and punish the child. Because you understand that this is not right. Well, what about the child? After all, at this very moment the child feels slighted, not accepted. You left the child to fight with himself. He thinks that he is unworthy, that he is not loved, that something is wrong with him. When you refuse the child something or scold and punish. Give him a reasonable explanation, Why you decided to do this. Show him that you still love him. Shift his focus to something else. There are five manifestations of love through which a child perceives that he is loved. Show that you still love him and care about his well-being, just shift his attention to something else. After all, there are 5 main “love languages” through which a child feels care and acceptance:

A child perceives with feelings.

Raising a child. Touch. Hugs, kisses, stroking — these are manifestations of love that children feel from birth. It is enough to simply hold the baby’s hand, pat him on the back or play on the floor.

Words of approval. Phrases like «I love you», «Well done», «Thank you» strengthen the child’s sense of confidence and self-esteem. Rude, harsh and unfair words, on the contrary, can sow self-hatred in his soul.

Time completely dedicated to the child. Regularly set aside free time to fully immerse yourself in interaction with the baby — read a book, play, walk, talk. Nothing should distract you at these moments.

Gifts. They can be the simplest — the smallest surprise, like an unusual stone brought from a walk, will show that you thought about the child. Moreover, the gift should not be a reward for merits — love is unconditional.

Care. Cooking a favorite dish, helping around the house, praising, encouraging – any manifestation of care will be regarded by the baby as a gift of love.

Find your language with your child.

Raising a child. Be attentive to notice what method of communication your child needs most. If your child comes up to you and hugs you, it means he wants to be hugged and caressed. When he asks to play with him, it means he wants your undivided attention. Asks for your opinion, it means he wants to receive support and approval. If he is happy when you give him gifts, this is the “language of love” he most desires. Learn your child’s “native language of love” – what was missing in your relationship with your parents – and strive most of all to convey your feelings through this channel. Despite conflicts, quarrels and disobedience, the child will be sure that you love and accept him.

The basis of a child’s development is love.

Raising a child. This is the main thing for developing a whole, self-confident personality. So that the child feels loved. After all, a child is formed on feelings until maturity. It is very important for the correct development of a child to teach how to manage feelings. So that the child learns to manage feelings. Firstly: the foundation must be laid in him that he is constantly loved. Secondly: teach the child to pray. Through prayer, the child receives consolation, and therefore healing from aggression. Understand me correctly, frustration does not disappear. Over time, it will accumulate more and more. The most effective and best solution to get rid of frustration is prayer. Through prayer, you firstly: receive healing through God’s consolation. It is written: Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, and trust in Him, and He will do it. Secondly: constructive thinking comes to you, finding an alternative solution.

The basis is in education; teach to pray and trust God.

It is written: When He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth. Personally, in difficult moments and situations in life, I usually pray and ask God to fill me with love and joy. And also to grant me peace and tranquility. Understand correctly: when you manage your feelings. Then you will be able to manage and control situations and circumstances, no matter what the outcome. You will make the right decisions. It is written: Everyone who is fed on milk is ignorant of the word of truth, because he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, whose senses have been trained by habit to distinguish good from evil. That is why it is necessary to teach a child to pray and trust God. So that he learns to manage his emotions and feelings. And learns to make constructive, correct decisions. In this way, he will grow into a mature person.